Dear Prudence,I am very much in love with my girlfriend of four years and want to spend my life with her. There is one thing preventing me from popping the question: the diamond ring. My girlfriend is not overly superficial but has made it clear that she needs a "moderately good-sized ring." I am young, in graduate school, and have no money. I would have to take out a loan to buy her what she desires. In the long term, money won't be the issue, so my objections to buying an engagement ring are mostly philosophical: 1) Buying a diamond ring seems like buying a woman. 2) If we are equal partners, what is she buying me? 3) Diamonds fuel conflict around the world. 4) They are expensive yet inherently worthless. I have told her how I feel, and she sees my point but has indicated a ring is necessary. I can't imagine proposing to her without one. Should I wait to propose and in the meantime try to change her mind, just buy her a stupid ring already, or take this impasse as an indicator of future conflict and move on with my life? (I don't know if I could do the last one.)
—Ringless
Dear Ringless,
I hope your graduate studies are in something more remunerative than philosophy, not only so you can eventually buy your girl a ring, but because philosophy doesn't seem to be your strength. Let me take your objections one by one: 1) Oh, come on. 2) Oh, come on. 3) There are "conflict-free" diamonds. 4) Many valuable things are inherently worthless. But despite my objections to your objections, in general I agree with you. (As I would, since I don't have, and didn't want, an engagement ring.) I find it ludicrous to consider going into debt to buy a piece of jewelry. If you can't painlessly write a check for a ring, you can't afford it. And I find it distasteful to think that a woman who wants to marry her boyfriend wouldn't consider herself engaged unless he shows up with a substantial rock. If you've been together for four years, and are ready to be married, then you both should be ecstatic to take that step, even if it means she has to have a naked ring finger for a while. Propose to her and tell her that you're hoping the two of you will build a happy, even prosperous, life together and that when you're more financially secure, you will happily get her a ring she will enjoy. I agree with you that it seems nutty to break up over your "philosophic" objections to a ring. And I hope she's not so "overly superficial" that she would refuse your proposal because it lacks sufficient carats.
-Prudie
4 comments:
That was hilarious! By the way, I still have never really purchased a ring for your mom. I took posession of the ring that my biological father gave to mom, your granny when they were engaged. I assumed my mommy would never need this ring again and seeing how I was a product of that union, thought it appropriate to aquire the said ring, have it redesigned, and fitted for my beautiful bride. Perhaps one day, I'll spring for a real one for my Annie. Tough to tell the difference between Cz's and real diamonds!Ha ha ha ha.... If any one comments, just tel;l them to go fly a kite!
This is bullshit. The ring matters, it should be expensive (relative to the buyer of the ring), and it IS a symbol of love.(sacrifice for purchase being a MAJOR element).
None of the things he mentioned even MATTER! The point is, 'bring me the ring that shows me your dedication.'
Didn't our parents teach us to NOT be EASY! This counts...men appreciate the things they sacrifice for. Better just get em starting out on the right foot right outta the gate:)
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Missy, unfortunately your friend is missing the point. It's not about a ring nor even remotely about it's size! That kind of thinking is a reciepe for false expectations of the other spouse. It's shallow to even think that the size of a ring would ever indicate how deeply one cares. Un believable that people actually think that!
To verify this just go to any pawn shop and take a look at all the rings of huge proportion that have been hawked off from failed relationships! Then take a look at the rings of those whose relationships have endured 30 plus years. I think your friend would be surprised!
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