Hello, my name is Marissa, and I don't eat meat.
Well, that's not exactly true.
Growing up I was a very picky eater, there were foods that I just didn't like to eat. In fact, 'didn't like' is probably not a strong enough description. There were foods that I could barely choke down because I disliked them so much, sometimes I was not able to get them down, or keep them down...you get the picture. These foods were most always variations of red meat. Hamburger, steak, venison...ew especially venison. My mother is also labeled as a picky eater because of her same distaste for meat and other foods, so I was lucky to be born into her family where I was not forced to eat food I did not like.
Growing up in a home where my food choices were respected, I assumed every household was the same. Granted my parents made me try foods, and there were times I didn't eat dinner because I refused to eat what was made. It was understood that you were, at least, supposed to try the food. If you then did not like it, you wouldn't eat it, but you would sit at the dinner table with the rest of the family. Being a family with six differing schedules, dinner was sometimes the only time we had together. This of course changed as we got older, started working, and moving out of the house, but I still remember family dinners being some of the best memories from my childhood.
After graduation, I took a different route than most of my friends and went straight into the working field, instead of going to school. With the assistance of my sister-in-law {Julie} & her sister-in-law {Karen}, I got into a field I love and happened to be good at. It's very right brained with a hint of left brain, which is exactly how I would describe myself and my three siblings. I've married a man who is completely opposite, we both appreciate each others abilities because they are so unlike our own, and I'm grateful for that.
The field I'm in takes a lot of people interaction, hand holding (figuratively), with a touch of of schmoozing. The schmoozing usually consists of lunch and dinner appointments or meetings with customers, colleagues, and account representatives. I love this part of my job, however, it's a part of my job I dread the most, especially with new people. Getting together with a group of people you barely know, and being the only person to not order a steak, or any meat for that matter, is somewhat embarrassing. Generally someone else is footing the bill, so people tend to order what they wouldn't normally if they were paying for themselves. When it's your time to order and you say, "Can I get the house salad with a baked potato, please.", people start to ask questions. Without a doubt, the next 10 minutes are focused on you, the weirdo who doesn't eat meat, like it's some sort of human rarity they've never heard of before. Obviously, people don't care what I eat, and the person paying loves that I just ordered a $12 meal compared to the $30 meal the guy next to me just ordered, but it's always (emphasis on always) awkward when it comes time to order.
Over the years my taste buds have developed more than they were when I was 18. With that, so has my confidence, experience, and personality...meaning I've found ways around the topic and learned how to shorten the post-order discussion of my somewhat unique (but not really unique at all) taste buds. For awhile, chicken became my go-to meal, when out for work-related events. I even went through a phase, of almost a year where I kind of liked it, kind of. I would order it with pasta, or vegetables, and would actually eat a few bites.
Even now, I've gotten to the point I can eat chili, nachos with beef or chicken, or bacon. Tom of course is very proud of the fact, and I have to give him props for actually getting me to this point because it has literally taken years.
There were a few reasons I felt like expressing it in a blog post. First, it really needed an update, I've plastered my celebrity encounter all over FB, Blogger, & any other app that it linked...just like you guys, I'm tired of looking at it. Second, see the first. jk. Actually, I started thinking about it last weekend, and the topic of food, respect, and needs has been on my mind ever since.
My sister-in-law and her fiance spent the weekend in Bellingham with Tom & me. One night we met up with a group of friends in Seattle and we happened to start talking about food. You'll never guess how we got on the topic. Anyway, my sister-in-law {Cecelia} mentioned their dad made them eat everything that was on their plate. She told a story of how she squirted too much ketchup on her plate one night, and she had to sit at the table and eat all of the ketchup before she was dismissed. In true Marissa form, I questioned the reasoning. She explained it to me that he was teaching her a lesson, it wasn't necessarily about the ketchup, but that she took more than she should have, and the next time she made sure to only take what she needed.
So, lesson learned.
That's what got my mind rolling....I like the lesson she was taught, we should all be mindful of our needs and the hard work our parents put into meeting those needs and wants. What I struggle with is the way she was taught the lesson. It's not just Tom's parents, my grandparents did it to my mom, and from what I've heard it seems to be a common, yet strange, parenting strategy (aka abuse). Forcing someone to eat a whole plate of food they don't want or need doesn't actually prove anything to the child, except that 'you are the boss and they must do as you say' (robot voice).
After going round and round with myself, in my head, I realized I do this now....to myself. I avoid telling people I'm a vegetarian, or more accurately a pescetarian, because I don't want to have the conversation, or I don't want to be the weird one at dinner. Why do I force myself to eat meat when I dislike it? Why do I feel the need to disregard my own wants to please someone else? I realize it's not a big deal, you're probably saying, 'hey eat the meat or don't because we don't care', and that's why you guys are all my friends. So why do I punish myself? The answer is that I have no idea why. After days of battling with myself over this topic, how I want to raise my children, and what is right or wrong for myself and my family, and whatever else goes along with it, I've decided what to do. I am making a promise to myself to not eat meat if I don't want it.
Simple as that!
So, my name is Marissa, and I'm a Vege/Pescetarian.
2 comments:
I have noticed with your family you all are picky about different things like David loves meet but wouldn't touch a veggie and you are just opposite of that. It must have been a chore trying to cook for the whole family. David always says to me "I am 28 and I know what I do and don't like so get off my back". It has taken me 4 years to understand this because I am like Tom pretty much I will eat anything. But finally after 4years I have learned that he is not kidding when he says he knows what he likes and doesn't and I have learned to respect it more.
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